For some reason, making any decisions about the trip to Portland for XOXO is like pulling teeth. I investigate this hotel, that hotel, this Airbnb, over and over. I waffle about the day to fly in and the day to fly out.

Maybe this is my subconscious trying to tell me that this is really not what I want to do, that I don’t need to try to test out whether I connect well with that group, with a new tribe, less than a month after I’ll be with a tribe I already belong to at the San Jose WorldCon. That’s going to suck up a lot of energy and attention. Another intense event that quickly afterward may honestly be asking too much of myself.

(…which, of course, makes me rather wish I hadn’t cancelled my hotel for the Worldcon today on the grounds that, hey, I’m local, and I’ll probably need the money for Portland.)